I never thought even I could make some music, but I don't know if mine would be too unpleasant to hear, so it takes me some courage to share them here :)
DoubleX - Everyone Turning Against You
DoubleX - Accepting Sadness
DoubleX - False Hope
DoubleX - Cry Until I'm Blind(Instrumental)
DoubleX - Lost Forever
DoubleX - Endless Darkness
DoubleX - Broken Hearts
DoubleX - Grief Indulgence
DoubleX - It's All Over
DoubleX - Give Up Everything
Current version: 3rd(30 Apr 2023)
I just had a rather special dream in my sleep, although I already can't remember every last bit of its details precisely.
During this dream, I was watching a short movie, with its male protagonist suddenly being betrayed by just about everyone around him, including his beloved wife.
Even though it's clear to him that she was forced to do so, he still had to kill her personally to protect his sons and daughters, just as a slightly tragic melody started playing, with him recalling all the good memories with them within his family before this.
The situation ended up with total chaos and he was driven into total madness. Then I just woke up from the dream before I could watch the rest of the movie(that's why the melody's so short), but this doesn't feel like a nightmare to me, despite the fact that I slept quite poorly that night.
Because I want to remember that short melody, I composed this easy, simple and small song based on it, and it's done via 1BITGRADON within 8 hours.
I hope that this song, being my 1st published one, won't be too much of an earsore for too many of you :)
I just had a rather special dream in my sleep, although I already can't remember every last bit of its details precisely.
During this dream, I was watching a short movie, with its male protagonist suddenly being betrayed by just about everyone around him, including his beloved wife.
Even though it's clear to him that she was forced to do so, he still had to kill her personally to protect his sons and daughters, just as a slightly tragic melody started playing, with him recalling all the good memories with them within his family before this.
The situation ended up with total chaos and he was driven into total madness. Then I just woke up from the dream before I could watch the rest of the movie(that's why the melody's so short), but this doesn't feel like a nightmare to me, despite the fact that I slept quite poorly that night.
Because I want to remember that short melody, I composed this easy, simple and small song based on it, and it's done via 1BITGRADON within 8 hours.
I hope that this song, being my 1st published one, won't be too much of an earsore for too many of you :)
DoubleX - Accepting Sadness
Current version: 1st(26 Sep 2024)
I just suddenly sung this melody out of thin air, so I made this song by 1BITDRAGON within 4 hours before I forget that melody, and "Accepting Sadness" is the 1st name I came into mind
I just suddenly sung this melody out of thin air, so I made this song by 1BITDRAGON within 4 hours before I forget that melody, and "Accepting Sadness" is the 1st name I came into mind
DoubleX - False Hope
Current version: 1st(13 Oct 2024)
It's actually my 1st song but I never published it before, as I didn't like most part of it. However, there are still some parts I like so I overhauled the whole thing quite a bit to hope that it'll be better this time. Nevertheless, it's probably a false hope, so I named this song this way :)
It's actually my 1st song but I never published it before, as I didn't like most part of it. However, there are still some parts I like so I overhauled the whole thing quite a bit to hope that it'll be better this time. Nevertheless, it's probably a false hope, so I named this song this way :)
DoubleX - Cry Until I'm Blind(Instrumental)
Current version: 1st(17 Oct 2024)
It's the instrumental version of my 1st song with vocals and lyrics, which are about some scenarios probably causing someone to cry until he/she's blind, assuming that it's possible in the first place :(
It's the instrumental version of my 1st song with vocals and lyrics, which are about some scenarios probably causing someone to cry until he/she's blind, assuming that it's possible in the first place :(
DoubleX - Lost Forever
Current version: 1st(17 Nov 2024)
Just another song based on a melody out of the blue, and "Lost Forever" seems to hit home
Just another song based on a melody out of the blue, and "Lost Forever" seems to hit home
DoubleX - Endless Darkness
Current version: 1st(23 Nov 2024)
Yet another song all about a primitive melody, and "Endless Darkness" might just show hoe repetitive this song feels :(
Yet another song all about a primitive melody, and "Endless Darkness" might just show hoe repetitive this song feels :(
DoubleX - Broken Hearts
Current version: 1st(24 Nov 2024)
A music trying to mix 2 crude melodies that might show how I'd feel if my heart were broken :(
A music trying to mix 2 crude melodies that might show how I'd feel if my heart were broken :(
DoubleX - Grief Indulgence
Current version: 1st(1 Dec 2024)
While this music might sounds repetitive, this could just show the compulsion of someone indulging in his/her grief even when he/she tries to stop :(
While this music might sounds repetitive, this could just show the compulsion of someone indulging in his/her grief even when he/she tries to stop :(
DoubleX - It's All Over
Current version: 1st(1 Dec 2024)
If I feel that all seems to be over, this music might illustrate my emotions under such perceived circumstances X(
If I feel that all seems to be over, this music might illustrate my emotions under such perceived circumstances X(
DoubleX - Give Up Everything
Current version: 1st(29 Dec 2024)
When you always make things worse and worse, you might just as well give up everything, and this music could show how it can feel T_T
When you always make things worse and worse, you might just as well give up everything, and this music could show how it can feel T_T
DoubleX - Helpless Hopelessness
DoubleX - Wish Them The Best
DoubleX - Eternal Alienation
DoubleX - Full Of Regrets
DoubleX - Stuck In The Past
DoubleX - Beyond Redemption
DoubleX - Used Up Goner
DoubleX - Never Get Anything Right
DoubleX - Always Hurting Others
DoubleX - Nowhere To Go
Current version: 1st(9 Jan 2025)
When you usually end up hurting the others deeply, you'll likely feel hopeless about yourself, and you probably don't want to seek for help in afraid of severely hurting those helping you, so this kind of helpless hopelessness might be illustrated by this music :(
When you usually end up hurting the others deeply, you'll likely feel hopeless about yourself, and you probably don't want to seek for help in afraid of severely hurting those helping you, so this kind of helpless hopelessness might be illustrated by this music :(
DoubleX - Wish Them The Best
Current version: 1st(30 Apr 2025)
When you secretly love someone already having another lover and their relationship's so good for so long, you may as well just wish them the best and move on... if you can really let go of all this, that is :)
When you secretly love someone already having another lover and their relationship's so good for so long, you may as well just wish them the best and move on... if you can really let go of all this, that is :)
DoubleX - Eternal Alienation
Current version: 2nd(13 Aug 2025)
For those trying to belong to groups but always failed to fit in, they may instead learn to be alone for the rest of their lives, provided that they can embrace the loneliness for such a long time :)
For those trying to belong to groups but always failed to fit in, they may instead learn to be alone for the rest of their lives, provided that they can embrace the loneliness for such a long time :)
DoubleX - Full Of Regrets
Current version: 1st(26 Jun 2025)
Since I enjoying weeping alone so much, I'm so glad that I finally made a sad song that can make me weep so much :)
Since I enjoying weeping alone so much, I'm so glad that I finally made a sad song that can make me weep so much :)
DoubleX - Stuck In The Past
Current version: 1st(29 Jun 2025)
Some are so stuck in the past that they'd want a time machine to relive their good memories and rewrite their bad ones, but all they can do is to make use of the present to create their futures :)
Some are so stuck in the past that they'd want a time machine to relive their good memories and rewrite their bad ones, but all they can do is to make use of the present to create their futures :)
DoubleX - Beyond Redemption
Current version: 1st(10 Jul 2025)
When you think that your lives are mostly out of your control for a long time, you'll likely feel that you're probably beyond redemption, as long as you often keep forcing yourselves to control everything about you so hard :(
When you think that your lives are mostly out of your control for a long time, you'll likely feel that you're probably beyond redemption, as long as you often keep forcing yourselves to control everything about you so hard :(
DoubleX - Used Up Goner
Current version: 1st(13 Jul 2025)
If you become useless to everyone else around you, you can end up as a used up goner being thrown into a rubbish bin, and then they might just forget everything about you forever T_T
If you become useless to everyone else around you, you can end up as a used up goner being thrown into a rubbish bin, and then they might just forget everything about you forever T_T
DoubleX - Never Get Anything Right
Current version: 1st(27 Jul 2025)
When none of what you do so far ever works at all, you'll tend to feel that you can never get anything right forever, but doing nothing for the rest of your lives isn't an option either X(
When none of what you do so far ever works at all, you'll tend to feel that you can never get anything right forever, but doing nothing for the rest of your lives isn't an option either X(
DoubleX - Always Hurting Others
Current version: 1st(6 Aug 2025)
If you keep unintentionally hurting those around you, you might consider isolating yourselves from everyone else until you die, assuming that it's even possible to begin with QAQ
If you keep unintentionally hurting those around you, you might consider isolating yourselves from everyone else until you die, assuming that it's even possible to begin with QAQ
DoubleX - Nowhere To Go
Current version: 2nd(13 Aug 2025)
When you were consistently going nowhere for so long that now you probably will constantly have nowhere to go, but you've to go to somewhere fast no matter what, you'll likely feel more and more trapped until you won't even know what to do anymore :(
When you were consistently going nowhere for so long that now you probably will constantly have nowhere to go, but you've to go to somewhere fast no matter what, you'll likely feel more and more trapped until you won't even know what to do anymore :(
DoubleX - Forced Optimism
DoubleX - Futile Struggle
DoubleX - Inner Emptiness
DoubleX - Dying Inside
DoubleX - Depression Suppression
DoubleX - Nothing But Mistakes
DoubleX - Addicted To Despair
DoubleX - Soulless Life
DoubleX - Detached Outsider
DoubleX - Waste Of Space
Current version: 1st(13 Aug 2025)
When all your efforts are futile and you become pessimistic, the outside world will probably "encourage and recommend" you to feel good no matter what, but once this unsustainably toxic positivity burns out, you'll likely face an even worse despair X(
When all your efforts are futile and you become pessimistic, the outside world will probably "encourage and recommend" you to feel good no matter what, but once this unsustainably toxic positivity burns out, you'll likely face an even worse despair X(
DoubleX - Futile Struggle
Current version: 1st(17 Aug 2025)
If you keep resisting externally and struggling internally but never managed to have any useful results for anyone, then it's time to think about surrendering yourselves and wait for the worst to happen to you T_T
If you keep resisting externally and struggling internally but never managed to have any useful results for anyone, then it's time to think about surrendering yourselves and wait for the worst to happen to you T_T
DoubleX - Inner Emptiness
Current version: 1st(20 Aug 2025)
When you're more and more empty inside day by day, it's like some parasites eating your internals bit by bit, until you're so rotten to the core that you can't hold yourselves together anymore :(
When you're more and more empty inside day by day, it's like some parasites eating your internals bit by bit, until you're so rotten to the core that you can't hold yourselves together anymore :(
DoubleX - Dying Inside
Current version: 1st(27 Aug 2025)
When you've less and less time to know yourselves, you'll probably become harder and harder to be yourselves, instead you'll likely be closer and closer to a dead man walking, until you eventually just can't function anymore :(
When you've less and less time to know yourselves, you'll probably become harder and harder to be yourselves, instead you'll likely be closer and closer to a dead man walking, until you eventually just can't function anymore :(
DoubleX - Depression Suppression
Current version: 1st(27 Aug 2025)
As most people do need societies to survive while societies still need lots of objectified people to keep itself running, many people have to behave as mere tools to be utilized by some of the others. They either remain being useful assets, or become useless enough to "deteriorate" into costly liabilities, and being depressed is no defense against such oppression as a necessary evil. Although nobody can be a perpetual motion machine and suppressing depression is doomed to fail badly, not trying hard to act like achieving both will usually lead to even sooner disposal like a waste :(
As most people do need societies to survive while societies still need lots of objectified people to keep itself running, many people have to behave as mere tools to be utilized by some of the others. They either remain being useful assets, or become useless enough to "deteriorate" into costly liabilities, and being depressed is no defense against such oppression as a necessary evil. Although nobody can be a perpetual motion machine and suppressing depression is doomed to fail badly, not trying hard to act like achieving both will usually lead to even sooner disposal like a waste :(
DoubleX - Nothing But Mistakes
Current version: 1st(31 Aug 2025)
When you always feel all you've done are nothing but mistakes that can't be corrected at all, you'll likely think that your very existence are the only ones you can X(
When you always feel all you've done are nothing but mistakes that can't be corrected at all, you'll likely think that your very existence are the only ones you can X(
DoubleX - Addicted To Despair
Current version: 1st(31 Aug 2025)
If you first face your despair, you'll probably feel conflicted, confused and cornered, as illustrated in the 1st part of this music. But once you get used to it, a strange serenity might come into your lives as shown in the 2nd part of this music. However, when you can no longer sustain yourselves that way, you'll likely feel even more desperate than before X(
If you first face your despair, you'll probably feel conflicted, confused and cornered, as illustrated in the 1st part of this music. But once you get used to it, a strange serenity might come into your lives as shown in the 2nd part of this music. However, when you can no longer sustain yourselves that way, you'll likely feel even more desperate than before X(
DoubleX - Soulless Life
Current version: 1st(7 Sep 2025)
While a soulless life's often so not worth living that it can be much worse than peaceful death, when you're obliged or even forced to live for a long time anyway, it'd be rather hard to keep your souls alive T_T
While a soulless life's often so not worth living that it can be much worse than peaceful death, when you're obliged or even forced to live for a long time anyway, it'd be rather hard to keep your souls alive T_T
DoubleX - Detached Outsider
Current version: 1st(7 Sep 2025)
For those failing to fit into any society, being a detached outsider can be another choice. While it'd mean abandoning many aspects of life, it may also lead to unique experience and perspectives that bring new ideas and valuable insights into the mainstream humanity :)
For those failing to fit into any society, being a detached outsider can be another choice. While it'd mean abandoning many aspects of life, it may also lead to unique experience and perspectives that bring new ideas and valuable insights into the mainstream humanity :)
DoubleX - Waste Of Space
Current version: 1st(7 Sep 2025)
When you feel more and more worthless, you might begin to treat shopping as wasting precious money instead of naturally contributing to the economy, eating as wasting scarce food rather than meeting genuine needs normally, drinking as wasting clean water but not basic human rights, and even breathing as wasting vital oxygen without realizing that it's just a part of the carbon cycle. Then one day you may feel that your very existence are just wasting invaluable space while devaluing your uniqueness entirely, eventually you can really be completely and permanently wasted if you keep thinking this way QAQ
When you feel more and more worthless, you might begin to treat shopping as wasting precious money instead of naturally contributing to the economy, eating as wasting scarce food rather than meeting genuine needs normally, drinking as wasting clean water but not basic human rights, and even breathing as wasting vital oxygen without realizing that it's just a part of the carbon cycle. Then one day you may feel that your very existence are just wasting invaluable space while devaluing your uniqueness entirely, eventually you can really be completely and permanently wasted if you keep thinking this way QAQ
DoubleX - Heavy Burden
DoubleX - Total Surrender
DoubleX - Deeply Touched
DoubleX - Too Weak To Live
DoubleX - Mental Suffocation
DoubleX - Utopian Dreams
DoubleX - Chaotic Mind
DoubleX - Drained Dry
DoubleX - Internal Turmoil
DoubleX - Habitually Overloaded
DoubleX - Feeling Unsure
DoubleX - Finally Overwhelmed
DoubleX - Take Myself Lightly
DoubleX - World Of Harm
Current version: 1st(8 Sep 2025)
Lives might be easier if only you can let go of your heavy burden, but that'd probably mean someone else bearing it for you, or even imply that you'll likely become a heavy burden for the others instead :(
Lives might be easier if only you can let go of your heavy burden, but that'd probably mean someone else bearing it for you, or even imply that you'll likely become a heavy burden for the others instead :(
DoubleX - Total Surrender
Current version: 1st(10 Sep 2025)
When you finally realize that there are so little things that you can even have a little control, you'll at last be forced to totally surrender yourselves to your surroundings during your whole lives, and you'll still have to keep controlling your perception, emotions and thinking hard into sincerely enjoying all these as divine blessing, all to avoid yourselves from complete collapse :)
When you finally realize that there are so little things that you can even have a little control, you'll at last be forced to totally surrender yourselves to your surroundings during your whole lives, and you'll still have to keep controlling your perception, emotions and thinking hard into sincerely enjoying all these as divine blessing, all to avoid yourselves from complete collapse :)
DoubleX - Deeply Touched
Current version: 1st(16 Sep 2025)
As you become more and more compassionate towards the mankind, you'll feel more and more clearly that the majority of the humanity is constantly suffering immensely, and you'll be more and more deeply touched on just how powerless the civilization is against such widespread mental harm and pain for such a long time, especially when everything is just misfortune beyond everyone's control, so you'll want to be so empathetic that you won't ever blame anyone for anything anymore, but instead just focus on what you can do to mend the wounds in this dying ecosystem :)
As you become more and more compassionate towards the mankind, you'll feel more and more clearly that the majority of the humanity is constantly suffering immensely, and you'll be more and more deeply touched on just how powerless the civilization is against such widespread mental harm and pain for such a long time, especially when everything is just misfortune beyond everyone's control, so you'll want to be so empathetic that you won't ever blame anyone for anything anymore, but instead just focus on what you can do to mend the wounds in this dying ecosystem :)
DoubleX - Too Weak To Live
Current version: 1st(17 Sep 2025)
When you don't know how to deal with anyone else anymore for a long time, and you're not strong enough to be self-sufficient anytime soon, you'll eventually become too weak to live :(
When you don't know how to deal with anyone else anymore for a long time, and you're not strong enough to be self-sufficient anytime soon, you'll eventually become too weak to live :(
DoubleX - Mental Suffocation
Current version: 1st(20 Sep 2025)
When you're suffocating mentally, it can be like drowning in the middle of the gigantic ocean without anyone else ever coming nor any mobile signal coverage, then it's only a matter of time before you become too exhausted to even stay afloat, and the endless sea waves will only further siphon your already lacking stamina X(
When you're suffocating mentally, it can be like drowning in the middle of the gigantic ocean without anyone else ever coming nor any mobile signal coverage, then it's only a matter of time before you become too exhausted to even stay afloat, and the endless sea waves will only further siphon your already lacking stamina X(
DoubleX - Utopian Dreams
Current version: 1st(21 Sep 2025)
If you ever have an utopian dream, you'll be so ecstatic that you don't wanna wake up forever, and the fact that it's always impossible to be even slightly real only makes you so attached to such idealistic illusions that you'll just want to repeat this over and over again :)
If you ever have an utopian dream, you'll be so ecstatic that you don't wanna wake up forever, and the fact that it's always impossible to be even slightly real only makes you so attached to such idealistic illusions that you'll just want to repeat this over and over again :)
DoubleX - Chaotic Mind
Current version: 1st(27 Sep 2025)
When you can't think clearly for a long time, your brain will become such a mess that you'll become the one you know the least, so your mind will also be so chaotic that nobody can understand anything inside anymore :(
When you can't think clearly for a long time, your brain will become such a mess that you'll become the one you know the least, so your mind will also be so chaotic that nobody can understand anything inside anymore :(
DoubleX - Drained Dry
Current version: 1st(3 Oct 2025)
As you have to do more and more to stay relevant in this world, you'll be more and more exhausted over time, until you become so drained that you'll feel completely dry emotionally for who knows how long X(
As you have to do more and more to stay relevant in this world, you'll be more and more exhausted over time, until you become so drained that you'll feel completely dry emotionally for who knows how long X(
DoubleX - Internal Turmoil
Current version: 1st(4 Oct 2025)
As you become more and more mature, you'll have more aspects of your lives to handle well at all times, causing you to be harder and harder to deal with them all at the same time, eventually you'll feel so conflicted that your soul will at last be trapped into a total unrest :(
As you become more and more mature, you'll have more aspects of your lives to handle well at all times, causing you to be harder and harder to deal with them all at the same time, eventually you'll feel so conflicted that your soul will at last be trapped into a total unrest :(
DoubleX - Habitually Overloaded
Current version: 1st(5 Oct 2025)
Just as you wanna rest after being exhausted, your boss or family members ask you to do tasks that would be easy, simple and small for you if you weren't already that empty. If you just refuse while explaining that you're really so tired, they'll be very so displeased for your rejection on even such trivial extra works that they'll eventually want to fire or leave you; If you keep straining yourselves no matter what, you'll be so habitually overloaded that you'll eventually collapse and be done. So it's vital to control the ratio and rhythm of refusing versus accepting these demands to keep everything sustainable, but such a long yet thin wire is really just so insanely hard to walk for long QAQ
Just as you wanna rest after being exhausted, your boss or family members ask you to do tasks that would be easy, simple and small for you if you weren't already that empty. If you just refuse while explaining that you're really so tired, they'll be very so displeased for your rejection on even such trivial extra works that they'll eventually want to fire or leave you; If you keep straining yourselves no matter what, you'll be so habitually overloaded that you'll eventually collapse and be done. So it's vital to control the ratio and rhythm of refusing versus accepting these demands to keep everything sustainable, but such a long yet thin wire is really just so insanely hard to walk for long QAQ
DoubleX - Feeling Unsure
Current version: 1st(15 Oct 2025)
Although I've spent hours to try to name this song, I still felt unsure about what the title should be, so I became lazy and just name this song as "Feeling Unsure" lol
Although I've spent hours to try to name this song, I still felt unsure about what the title should be, so I became lazy and just name this song as "Feeling Unsure" lol
DoubleX - Finally Overwhelmed
Current version: 1st(17 Oct 2025)
Sometimes you can suddenly change from feeling fine to become totally overwhelmed in no time with obvious causes, but it's more often like a boiling frog - you gradually feel less and less fine bit by bit without realizing it, until you feel finally overwhelmed and at last know that you've never been really fine, but then it's all too late for you by then :(
Sometimes you can suddenly change from feeling fine to become totally overwhelmed in no time with obvious causes, but it's more often like a boiling frog - you gradually feel less and less fine bit by bit without realizing it, until you feel finally overwhelmed and at last know that you've never been really fine, but then it's all too late for you by then :(
DoubleX - Take Myself Lightly
Current version: 1st(22 Oct 2025)
If all I did didn't mean anything and I never mattered to anyone, then maybe it's time for me to just take myself lightly and move on, provided that I still have anywhere else to move to :)
If all I did didn't mean anything and I never mattered to anyone, then maybe it's time for me to just take myself lightly and move on, provided that I still have anywhere else to move to :)
DoubleX - World Of Harm
Current version: 1st(26 Oct 2025)
As long as people keep harming themselves, each other as well as the whole ecosystem, we'll still be living in a world of harm, and this will only continue until we can finally let go of our fear of death, and thus break free of our survival instincts that have been trapping up all for so long :)
As long as people keep harming themselves, each other as well as the whole ecosystem, we'll still be living in a world of harm, and this will only continue until we can finally let go of our fear of death, and thus break free of our survival instincts that have been trapping up all for so long :)
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